Tag Archives: god

December 21, 2015 · 3:47 pm

By popular demand: Clarifying Guidance from God

Hi everyone! We’ve had several requests to have the “Clarifying Guidance from God” email reproduced in “printed” form. This is an email we received from God and felt compelled to pass along. It was read in episode 5 and it seemed to resonate with many of our listeners. Also, there are more espisodes coming soon. You have to understand, we have jobs and shit. Anyway, on with the guidance, direct from God him/herself: so here you go!

-Phil and Rita Reebius

 

Clarifying guidance from God

 

Hello, I know this finds you well because I know everything! I notice that over the past few decades things have gotten a little out of hand and it might prove useful to have these clarifying notes. Most of this applies to what you call “The Ten Commandments” and to your bible, but I think you’ll get the picture. Please note that this clarification was created specifically to address the situation and interpretation of my intent as it currently exists in what you call “The United States of America.” Other socio-political entities are receiving versions of this message tailored to their needs.

  1. Stop killing each other in my name or for any other reason. I mean it!
  2. You have no me-given rights to guns. They serve only one purpose. See number 1 above.
  3. I don’t care about your politics. Stop dragging me into it.
  4. Churches should pay taxes. There, I said it.
  5. Stop ann0ying people in my name. If other people don’t want to hear your delusions about me, respect that. Also, refusal to give up your delusions does not make you stronger or smarter. I gave you a brain, now use it!
  6. I have no preferred countries or religions, and none of you are more special than the other.
  7. I am a busy being. The reason I made you as smart and clever as you are is so that you can take care of things on this planet while I’m off doing other things. I trust you as stewards of my creation. Now stop messing it up!
  8. All creatures have a purpose and are not here to be exploited for your pleasure.
  9. I don’t care about sports. Never have. Never will. So don’t look for me to help your favored team win the Super Bowl or whatever. I don’t care. I do however, hate the Cubs, and have cursed them. Sorry. I’m not perfect.
  10. Some of you don’t believe in me, and that’s okay. See number 5 above.

 

-God

 

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August 18, 2015 · 12:15 pm

PG-005 Odd food products, God speaks and basketball

Hi everyone! This episode is a good one, with a variety of memories, commentary and juvenile behavior.

Food: Phil and Rita frequently talk about food and this is no exception. In this episode we manage to discuss Hamdingers, Orbit gum, and the kind of food you cannot eat as an adult because of some unfortunate incident in your childhood. On the topic of Orbit, Phil says he saw commercials for this gum in the 70s in the upper midwest of the US. According to Wikipedia, Orbit was introduced during WWII, then discontinued after the war. According to the article, Orbit was reintroduced in Germany, Switzerland and Holland in 1976. During the last of the 70s, it was available again in the US, which is when Phil saw the robot commercial playing frequently. Then, due to some cancer scare, it was taken off the US market again until 2001. It’s only gum. How can it give you cancer?

God’s latest guidance: Phil reads the contents of an email he received from God, which aims to clarify some of the original intent, at least as it needs to be cleared up in the US. Warning, if you think God wants you to start wars, kill people, abuse animals and speak through politicians, you’ll probably be offended. Too bad.

Freaks, geeks, jocks, and drama club: Shit, life in high-school sucked sometimes. Phil and Rita discuss some of the more unpleasant shit that happened back in the day. At least to them. Also, to Phil’s basketball coach, a special “fuck you” message that has, and shall continue to endure for a lifetime.

Okay, that’s it this time. Next time out, Phil may do a reading from his book, The Randy Scuffle Papers. He’s also working on the audiobook version for your consumption while exercising, driving, or eating popcorn and watching the squirrels navigate the obstacle course you designed in your mom’s backyard.

-Phil Reebius (Rita sends her love)…

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