Hi everyone! We’ve had several requests to have the “Clarifying Guidance from God” email reproduced in “printed” form. This is an email we received from God and felt compelled to pass along. It was read in episode 5 and it seemed to resonate with many of our listeners. Also, there are more espisodes coming soon. You have to understand, we have jobs and shit. Anyway, on with the guidance, direct from God him/herself: so here you go!
-Phil and Rita Reebius
Clarifying guidance from God
Hello, I know this finds you well because I know everything! I notice that over the past few decades things have gotten a little out of hand and it might prove useful to have these clarifying notes. Most of this applies to what you call “The Ten Commandments” and to your bible, but I think you’ll get the picture. Please note that this clarification was created specifically to address the situation and interpretation of my intent as it currently exists in what you call “The United States of America.” Other socio-political entities are receiving versions of this message tailored to their needs.
- Stop killing each other in my name or for any other reason. I mean it!
- You have no me-given rights to guns. They serve only one purpose. See number 1 above.
- I don’t care about your politics. Stop dragging me into it.
- Churches should pay taxes. There, I said it.
- Stop ann0ying people in my name. If other people don’t want to hear your delusions about me, respect that. Also, refusal to give up your delusions does not make you stronger or smarter. I gave you a brain, now use it!
- I have no preferred countries or religions, and none of you are more special than the other.
- I am a busy being. The reason I made you as smart and clever as you are is so that you can take care of things on this planet while I’m off doing other things. I trust you as stewards of my creation. Now stop messing it up!
- All creatures have a purpose and are not here to be exploited for your pleasure.
- I don’t care about sports. Never have. Never will. So don’t look for me to help your favored team win the Super Bowl or whatever. I don’t care. I do however, hate the Cubs, and have cursed them. Sorry. I’m not perfect.
- Some of you don’t believe in me, and that’s okay. See number 5 above.